This is not knowledge article but emotional one of my life. If you are ok, so am I to allow you read this.
What was going on?
I would like to say, a couple of weeks ago, I got my very hard day. Until that night I got depressed and feel like drowning into the ocean of chaos and guilt.
In the ocean, there are many things blending and merging such as work issues, personal problems, worries about future, and much more. All of them were going to suppress me to be sunk underneath and yeah, I couldn’t find any boat or even a floating thing to exit out of it.
I can say the reasons are my thoughts that “why can’t I do that?”, “why did I do this?”, and then realize I was surrounded with why questions.
So what hero appeared?
With that circumstance, I just remembered a word from my current head of department that is “Mental toughness”.
is the ability to resist, manage and overcome doubts, worries, concerns and circumstances that prevent you from succeeding, or excelling at a task or towards an objective or a performance outcome that you set out to achieve.”
As soon as I remember this, I backed to the real world, close my eyes, slower my breath and slightly though of my stress.
- “What am I stress of?”
- “Are they in the past or future?”
- “Can I wait until tomorrow morning?”
My stress and strain were decreasing and my ears sensed environment. Yeah I did it.
Mental toughness helps me? How?
I can say at that time it cannot solve my problems, but it is like a light for me to find the path to exit.
I imagine this as an armor. This armor grants 25% (perhaps) of my confidence to solve my own problems. That is enough to regain the strength in my heart to fight against all of my obstacles await me on tomorrow or even a next second.
Once I put on the armor, I realized I am stress and find the workaround that is to sleep. No joke, this is my original solution when I cannot figure out of something. Sleep and hope I can find the actual solution when the sun rise tomorrow.
I laid on the bed and caressed my chest, soothed my heart and slowed my breath. I can say I can’t stop thinking right now but just deducted its speed. After of all, I imagined I am walking and facing each of problems then decide to solve it or save it in the bag. This is for making sure I can encounter it plus it felt I passed the very first level and I can sleep without worries right now.
On the next morning, I jot what I solve at the first level and what I save in the bag to solve later. I survived. 😅
I am not alone
Only myself seems not enough to overcome that circumstance. I have to thanks my head of department for suggesting the word. More than that, my family and friends are the best backup for me.
Friday: I stressed
Saturday: Called to my home and asked about this
Sunday: Called to my closed friends about this
Monday: Asked for helps from my team leader about work issues
Everyone are so nice and I think I am very fortunate that I have met them.
For our own failures and tough day, those who lend their backs for us and be a good listeners for our confessions are the most valuable things for our lives.
At the end…
To be honest, I think that was the most hard day for me since I was born. And that day I knew I have someone behind and never left me and cheer me up. My mental toughness is leveling up.
Never though I can post something serious like this but yeah, I hope this will be a good memory when I look back at some day in the future.
See you again when I got something.